So recently I’ve been thinking too much, as usual. I’ve been thinking about who I am, where I’m going and what it all means. Unusual right?
This feeling of confusion has been exacerbated by the structure of my current semester. I’m working on a ‘creative‘ mobile app called Sketcher and an Augmented Reality App for safety in motorsport. That all sounds quite exciting. However for me it’s the first time that I’ve felt like I’m just doing my job. I’m now confident enough to understand my discipline and I understand what my role in the design process is. I understand my strengths and weaknesses and overall everything is fantastic. So why does everything feel so bland?
Bear with me. This isn’t a sob story. It’s just a new experience for me. Things haven’t often gone well in my life so far but now things are almost perfect. I’m in third year of a university course I’m in love with. I’m in the best shape of my life. I have a great relationship. I’m working on projects I genuinely care about. I’m doing the best design work of my life. I guess it’s just a shock to the system. I was comparing the best case scenario in my head to a ‘kinda alright’ scenario. So, say I get the design job of my dreams, how does my day to day life compare to if I just get a ‘kinda alright’ one. I still work the same process, I still design things my way. I’m still Alice Horton. It’s all a bit much to think about. I mean, the future is scary. It’s uncertain, I don’t know what’s going to happen next month, never mind in two years time. All these thoughts are irrelevant right? I’ll look back on this in a years time and laugh at myself. That doesn’t change what I’m feeling at the moment though.
This feeling will pass, I’ll figure out what is really right for me. For the moment though it really feels like just going through the motions. Maybe success is just going through the motions. Getting up everyday, having good sleep, eating well, being healthy, working hard everyday in the studio. Being more satisfied with my design work now than ever before. Is this it? Did I do it? Am I a designer now?